The greatest love of all, needs to happen to me

I’ve often talked about wanting to help others in their journey through Bipolar, but in all honesty I think I need to help myself before helping anyone else. I need to find the joy in life again. That seems quite intense and maybe the intense feelings I have with Bipolar overshadows the reality but I do honestly feel the need for change. The need to change my relationship with unhealthy habits, the need to not put myself under so much pressure every day to hit maximum success without laying the foundations first.

Unfortunately I am extremely disengaged with the corporate recruitment agency life. My job doesn’t matter, it really doesn’t. If I disappeared tomorrow, would anyone need me at work at all. The big signs are the lack of contact I have from people when I am on holiday or recently when I was on paternity leave. I received few phone calls or emails, I was not needed by those that I have supposedly built a relationship with over the last 12 years in my industry. I am constantly hunting new businesses to work with and who does that really benefit if I’m being honest?

Myself, sure as it lines my pockets with commission. If I win the work, the candidate might get the job but in some instances you are selling to them against taking other jobs so again who does it benefit, myself again. I struggle to see what service I offer other than pushing recruitment services down someones throat.

There is something else out there for me and I am not convinced this is how my story plays out. I have spoken before about the dimming light ahead and it is only a flicker at present so I need to work towards that flicker until the glow becomes stronger. But what steps do I take to pass me through the darkness. I want to run but my body holds me back. Like an infant, I feel I need to crawl first and wade through some of the crap that I have to put up with in my existence.

This is not going to be a one stage transformational journey, you will see me struggle through, rather than portray everything is good in the world. But I hope with this you gain comfort. Comfort in that you are not alone, you are not the only one struggling.

This is my journey, this is Bipolar and Me.